Queer Query #1: Who the hell are we ?

I haven’t done much job interviews in my life, just one and I have always been in it, however when I was at university there was a question that would sometimes ask you in an interview, or even friends would ask you, how do you identify yourself?
The questions usually went like how do you identify yourself in order
a) Arab,
b) Muslim (Christian)
c) Egyptian (Other, depending on where you are from)

I think the point of that question was establish if you see yourself more Arab more Egyptian or more religion as in what do you think unite you with the people around you. You usually people who put Arab on the top are the believers or the Arab Nationalism, while people who put the Arab at the bottom where not really pro Arab nationalism, I always put Arab at the bottom. However let me spice up the question considering that we are queer, well at least I am, I tend to assume my readers are too. The question should go like this

How do you identify yourself?

a) Egyptian
b) Queer/ Bi / Transgender
c) Muslim (or which ever religion)
d) Arab (or which ever ethnicity you belong too)

Or do you just identify yourself with just one or two of the above, so for example I could identify my self as a Gay Arab, or I Could be A Gay Egyptian Muslim. I know most of you reading this are thinking why even put a label, however here I am not trying to identify someone with a label, as I don’t believe in it self but what I am trying to reach is first identify ourselves something then lets see what will happen if you don’t identify yourself as that … okay I understand confusing…

Best to give an example, one day I was having a conversation with an old straight friend of mine, and he asked, Q, what would happen to you if you don’t identify yourself as Gay and Successful at work? I didn’t understand the question immediately however, he went on explaining on how I use to act before I was not accepting of myself before I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin, then he started saying after I came out or after I started accepting more who I am, my confidence have grown a trazillion times, where I personality paradigm shift has happened in me, I was more happy and I was more outspoken. So I understand his question if I wasn’t successful or acting upon my homosexuality I wouldn’t be happy it was more of a comment than a question I guess. Which to most of us just seems as a simple common sense. He then asked what if I stayed single, and well not successful at my career but still getting a good salary maybe even double the salary, what would happen to my confidence. The natural thing to say is it will go down the drain. I know a lot of the boys out there would love a salary with no work, but I am sort of am workaholic and being good at what I do at the office defines me. But the question is does being Gay Define me? See my friend asked the question in a smart way … he got two things and put it in one questions, one with regards to a personality trait of being ambitious and another with a different personality character (biological some might say) and put them together, however you cant really equate success to you be gay, as success is a luxury where one being gay is as natural as one being straight its not something you really think you can strip yourself upon from. Later on I think he made the question the not strip myself from being gay… but to being back in the closet… well no I wouldn’t be happy of course

However do identify myself as gay First before everything else, or do I identify myself as something else, I never really thought about it that way because at the end identify myself as a couple of things, but gay is not on the top of the list or at the bottom of it either

Now lets think of the bigger picture, what about the Gay Identity in the Middle East, again as much some of us hate to put labels, but we have to admit there is a huge sub-culture here within the Middle East. Whether you are in Saudi, Egypt, Emirates, Libya, Morocco, Lebanon, its almost all the same… actually even if you are out of the arab world it is similar. However here it seems more interesting to look at. You have Guys by mornings in their suites, at night in the middle of the week grabbing a shisha or a drink with their straight friends in a bar acting straight… then comes the weekend, the Gay parties start, they somehow manage … to transform (obviously this is a generalization) the party boys in us come out from the youngest 16 to the oldest 50… and we all despite of our age difference hang out together, and well it doesn’t mean the that 50 year is pedophile he just looks at the 16 year as the son he was never able to have.

One of the biggest identify crisis though I noticed in the region more than in the west or any other region in the world (maybe exception of Rome), is that the guys have problems identify themselves as Gay and Religious at the same time, there is always the guilt that comes after having sex with a guy, there is always the guilt of when you look to another guy. Just one of my good friends here last night as he was with Mexican boyfriend, told him that he believes that being Gay is wrong. Of course my Mexican friend was in shock… and I had to explain to him that how we Egyptian are. I think the reason why we are so guilty about it though here is that the religion is more apparent in front of you everywhere in this part of the world, its so part of every day life, whether you are in the office and you have to break for prayer, or during the presentation or sales meeting you keep saying inshallah. Where as when I travel abroad I tend to myself loose touch with religion. However some of us can take that in a positive mood. Whatever your religious views are they are personal with you, however when you know what you believe in you always get some sort of harmony … one of my best friend found harmony in Abrahamsism, or mmm forgot the name just basically the belief in the three monotheistic religions. While my other best friend who also lives in London, is a guy who is muslim and prays almost everyday 5 times, if he drinks he only drinks after esha, so he doesn’t pray while he drinks, his philosophy is that he is not sure if what we are doing is wrong or not but he is sure that being promiscuous, getting way drunk, and not praying is wrong, so he tries to minimizes the wrong in his life.

Another aspect I realized here as community and I am not sure if this has anything to do with identity more than just social way of acting but we usually tend to push things too much to the limits. Go to a straight party … Go to a gay party. Parllel Universe, and I am not saying because one has Britney where as the other Ja Rule(or some stupid RAP crap…. Interesting RAP Rhymes with CRAP!!) I am saying about the attitude we tend to be more promiscuous, drugs more prevalent (not Egyptian scene as much as the Saudi, Lebanese and well European Scene) we are some what how do you put the word on it, oh I know it QUEENS. And I don’t mean this in an offensive way you can still be a butch but still be a queen ☺

I still believe the only thing that brings us together as community whether in Cairo or Riyadh or Dubai or Beirut, at first and probably for long time is the fact that we are gay. Most of these people who go to the parties they don’t have a lot in common other than they are gay, you have so many different classes, ages, backgrounds, education, thoughts, mentalities, attitudes, egos, nationalities and not to mention dicks in one room that its hard to find that all of them are really have something in common maybe the random two or three together, and even sometimes boyfriends are together for the wrong reason (guaranteed sex)

So Far most of what I wrote sounds negative, true. But it doesn’t mean that I look at the way Identify myself as negative, I myself couldn’t be more prouder than being queer, I myself couldn’t feel more comfortable in my own skin with out that, its just I am saying Queer is not just me and I am not just Queer there is a lot more to me (my love to Trentemoller music)… I am not saying the Cairo Gay Scene, The Riyadh Queen Scene, The Dubai Princes Scene, The Beirut Gay Sleaze Scene, is all that bad. They have their positive things, because at the end of the day they server the purpose they are made for… escaping the reality and partying it up and just having fun and smiling and not judging the other based on anything

With my fake anonymous blogging identity I leave you guys to it,
Please do leave comments its interesting to see other people thoughts

Cheers,
Q